desired

big episode… unsympathetic and agonizing world…

it so hard and demanding the problem in life…similar to odysseys journeying in the ocean giving no chance of hope for him, akin to many humans who feel like there’s no tomorrow…embracing the twist of phenomena in life assuming that there’s no possible solution to grip from but to give up and sacrifice something that they really treasure, they really want , they really love… it is so excruciating to suppose that while encountering the numerous tsunami in life, the presumptions and predictions you’ve been imagining is ineffectual and soon get you bloodily wounded and dyingly survive from blindness.

bravely speaking, i am now convinced that i truly presently come across this state of affair. and i really don’t know what is the right thing to do, what action should i perhaps execute, what probably the most perfect stroke to straightly die away my typhoons… this is my first and hoping my last experience in my growing. and i hate it so much… these are so depressing, tiring, toxic etc. my last resort is just to fold my knees in sacred place and start uttering words in connection with the problem i am passing and try to induce HIM to wash away my heartaches and tear jerking problem…

actually, the typhoon that in truth be told now am surviving is concerning to my family… my heart feels that every time they informing me in relation to the problems we had, my tears cant stop from crying and i don’t feel a space for comfortability. it is so distressing and worrying for me that my parents i presume, cant continue to exist with our unbearing problems. sometimes i cant concentrate of what I’m doing because I’m thinking about their condition. there is one affair that my mind cant forget, it is when my mother got sick and soon confined because of tough sickness. my mother and my father cant heart the sort of happiness. they cant move, they cant work, they cant even think normally.

the most terrible unaccepted event is no one summon to help. even our relatives cant act like our relatives. come to think of it, if you witness the struggle of a man and you have the ability help,does it bother you if you just give at least sum thing for survival knowing that the man is  your relative or really close to you? why is jealousy created? damn it…

i wanna do somethng but i cant because it is impossible because i am far away home.

bothersome attempts

1. during my highschool days…
    - attempting not to pass my requirements because am mad at my instructors. and if you’re not going pass the requirements, you’ll soon get a failing grades. some of my instructors then are so exasperating. they are demanding nonsensical things that is so knotty to explain. can you imagine how harsh to find an orchid or how hard to keep it growing if you take care of it for months? do you teachers doing these for own desires?
    - i experience talking to the principal of our school during my fresh days in high school in connection with my instructors concern about his tardiness and lacking of knowledge in teaching… how pity you are…
    - i join in school pageant. wow, i got the title when i was in first year. i am a bit apathetic of gaining the title but the result is unanimous, the judges liked me though am not fair, though am not that unintelligent, though am not that kinda senior, senior in the way of speaking, and carrying myself.
    - i had my puppy interest of love when months before the graduation. i had a considerably serious and sincere commitment with my classmate. to describe her physically, she is tall, with eye catching satin hair like and fair with seductive and attractive eyes. but unfortunately, we need to cease our unstoppable feelings and abruptly we consequently separated that cause of a sudden unexpected break of communication because of i need to go way with my home town. how sad.
    - now the graduation came, i cried much… like a baby? nonono kinda corny. i just feel that tears are falling down my eyes and i cant stop the dropping of joyful tears in my wistful eyes. i love my classmates then, especially the angles group who always entertaining me though am not part of their tropa. i am a loner then because i am an alien…hehehe. i don’t really feel socializing with other people except the group I’ve mentioned above. my friend can be count by fingers. ayaya alien ngA., NGA PLA, i forgot my tropas, the narra boys who taught me drink and smoke… hahaha.. salamat mga tol… am now enjoying it.
    - i was a member of computer association and English club, science club, math club and social studies club. i use to miggle wiht the boyscout when i was senior. a member of school choir and mango festival competition.

my college life in MONDRIAAN AURA COLLEGE in subic bay freepot zone.
     - i enrolled as bs accountancy. again, a competition for school pageant invited me again. i doubt it but their compelling powers and conditions forced me to say "YES SIR" am gana join the competition. the condition was, they are gana exempt me of some quizzes and projects which i myself considered difficult and off course my "YES" word compensate me…
    - my unforgiven, daring day in olongapo… i courted a girl whose tan and sexy. she is very gorgeous girl and also an accountncy student of the same school am attending. and she is my classmate. until few months, finally she accepted me as her beloved boyfrend. lets go to the climax, we usually go anywhere, not in an inhabited places, we go somewhere in ktv bars and billiard houses because she loves plaving billiard. her hobbies is drinking alcohol every night thats why i became skilled of drinking beers and use to smoke as well. the typical sked of our school is at dawn so am being easily vigourly seduce from fun at nyt. until such tym, intentionally, because am fun of everyday festivity and jollying at night, though its not worthrepeating, my usual days became insensitive. most of the time, i never ask permission why am late. and later my mom scolded me of doing it and tried to pick up a knife and try to stab it on my face. i am very scared and afraid. i think am gana die that day, but meanwhile the attempt emotionally unconsummated. my mom drop the knife and hug me so tight… oh, its nice to be hug and embrace by your mom. i cried and say sori bout it. that day i promise i will never do ti again… but my mom allows me to drink with my cousins… my mom is so desciplinarian and full of care and love in her heart.